


make yourself

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-25
Updated: 2009-05-25
Packaged: 2019-02-01 20:06:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12712029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Kusano receives unsolicited advice from the most unlikely person and learns they’re not so different after all.





	make yourself

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

Kusano’s in the gym, working on his guns (he _taught_ Jin that phrase, okay, but it sounds much cooler when Kusano says it), taking out his frustration on life and school and living with his parents again.

He kind of misses New York a lot, if only for the freedom.

He also wonders why the hell he spent six months of his life studying dance there if he wasn’t going to, you know, _dance_. He’s told Johnny-san that he’s back and more than ready to perform again, but as of yet nobody has called him for anything.

Fucking Uchi got a fucking solo tour, but the tabloids don’t even recognize Kusano’s face anymore.

He ups the weight on his barbells and hisses at the pain.

His eyes fly open when the weight is suspended, his equilibrium a little off as he finds himself looking up into unfamiliar eyes that he would know anywhere.

“You shouldn’t lift these without a spotter,” Ueda tells him calmly. “Especially if you’re angry.”

Kusano knows that, even though he’s usually the only one at this gym and he’d _never_ be able to build up his arms if he followed that rule. “Why are you here?”

It’s a legitimate question, because Ueda is a boxer and this is not a boxing gym. He also has no gym bag, nor does he look any less of the beautiful, popular idol that he’s been for years now.

Right now Kusano kind of hates him a little.

“Pi worries,” Ueda explains. “Which makes Jin worry, which annoys me.”

Kusano sighs. At least he’s honest. “They’re being overprotective big-brother types. I’m fine, Ueda-kun, just frustrated that I’m not getting any work.”

Ueda nods noncommittally as he takes the barbell from Kusano’s palms and places it back on the holder. “I’m bad at this comforting shit. Go shower and I’ll buy you a drink.”

“I’m not done,” Kusano replies stubbornly.

“I heard you wince, Kusano, you’re done.”

There’s an air of authority around the other, and Kusano no longer wonders why KAT-TUN is one of the most successful groups in the nation. Behind every great group is a great leader, even if he’s in the shadows most of the time.

Kusano knows that from experience.

The scalding water soothes his sore muscles and he’s really going to hate himself tomorrow for overexerting. He’s not exactly sure what he’s trying to accomplish by working out so hard – it’s not like Johnny will be more likely to bring him back if he’s buff.

_Maybe I’ve gotten too masculine_ , he thinks in amusement as he considers people like Tegoshi, Kame, even the man currently standing outside waiting for him. Although the thought of not being cute anymore makes him frown, he’d much rather be a man than pretend to be a girl.

Maybe he’s just been gone too long.

Shige’s doing well, he knows. Stageplays and SPs and a much larger fanbase than before. Shige grew into his face and found himself, even though Kusano will always see him as the chubby-cheeked little boy who thought he was so much cooler than Koyama and Kusano even though he really wasn’t.

Despite being almost summer, the air is cold when he emerges, having pulled himself out of his thoughts long enough to keep Ueda from waiting too long. He’s always liked the lesser-appreciated KAT-TUN member, particularly because he isn’t perfect and took awhile to find himself too.

Anything is better than that atrocious blond hair, Kusano thinks with a smirk.

For a second he thinks Ueda ditched him, or maybe he’d imagined his presence entirely (a guardian angel with pigtails and thick lips to keep him from dropping a barbell on his throat?), but then he sees him inconspicuously leaning against the wall.

Ueda just might be the only member of KAT-TUN who can actually pull off “inconspicuous” anymore. Aside from Nakamaru, of course.

Kusano feels weird as they walk aimlessly down the street, like he’s on a date and he needs to say and do the right thing. It’s been awhile since he was on a _proper_ date, anyway, considering the girls in New York usually skipped that step completely and took him straight to bed.

“Where are we going?” Kusano asks curiously, noticing after about five minutes that he’s actually following Ueda’s lead.

“My place,” Ueda replies, ignoring the way Kusano’s eyebrows raise. “I see no reason to _pay_ for drinks when I have perfectly good liquor at home.”

Kusano supposes that he has a point and continues to walk a little ways behind. If he’s being honest, he’s also grateful that he doesn’t have to drink in public – Yamapi and Jin seem to have forgotten all about his scandal, along with the rest of the world, even if he himself will never forget.

Even if he didn’t do it.

Ueda’s place is nice, higher quality than a regular apartment with expensive-looking leather furniture. What seems like a herd of golden dogs come running up to them and Ueda actually smiles, bending down to pet them all while Kusano tentatively extends his hand to be licked to death.

He can’t help but smile as well, which does not go unnoticed by his host. Therapeutic pets indeed.

They don’t end up drinking to get drunk, a credit to how much Kusano has grown that he can just sip wine like an adult and hold his own in a one-on-one conversation. They talk about Jin and Yamapi and practically everyone they both know, how they’re all so successful because they worked hard and didn’t fuck up.

Kusano can swear that Ueda sounds just as bitter as he does when it comes to their friends’ images. He’s also getting a little tipsy, as Ueda’s reputation leads him to become, and with intoxication comes honesty.

“It’s hard to find a comfortable medium between who you are and who you should be,” Ueda’s saying profoundly. “I still don’t think I’ve done it quite right, but all that really matters is that I know who I am now, even if I’m just like everyone else.”

Kusano thinks about that as they move on to other topics, eventually putting in a movie and watching in comfortable silence. Ueda doesn’t seem in a hurry to kick Kusano out just like Kusano’s not in a hurry to leave, and when Ueda falls asleep against his shoulder he takes that as an invitation to stay the night.

In the morning he feels guilty, not because he drank most of Ueda’s wine but because he’s been feeling sorry for himself this whole time when he’s not the only one who’s been struggling to find himself.

The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that there is a whole world outside of Johnny’s.

As cliche as it sounds, he leaves the still sleeping Ueda a note with his cell number on it, thanking him for his hospitality and advice, and steps into the outside world feeling like new person.

The first thing he does is withdraw his lingering contract from Johnny’s.

The second thing he does is adopt a dog.


End file.
